Just Listen To Me....

I love the way Elizabeth Berg writes.  She's one of my favorite authors.  These three books are sort of a trilogy, all about the same girl and her life growing up in the 60's.  I've read the first two before, but it had been a couple of years so I decided to read them again.  I loved them just as much as I did the first time I read them.  I'm still reading True to Form right now.  It's helping me get through the quiet, depressing times that are hovering around me all the time.  It's nice to pop into someone else's life for a change, even if they are fictional characters. 

It's been waaaay too long since I've written here and I feel horrible about it.  But here I am now.  Still alive.  Although sometimes I sorta wish I wasn't.  Not in the "I wanna kill myself" way, but in the "If I hadn't been born, I wouldn't be going through such a hard time right now" way, know what I mean?  I'm sure everyone has gone through that at some point in their life.  Right now I'm immersed deeply in "tough times".  It seems like everything that could go wrong in my life, IS going wrong.  I was layed off from the job I worked at for over 7 years.  Huge surprise, let me tell you.  I was like, "WTF??!!!"  Unfortunately, that didn't get me my job back.  I've been applying for jobs each week and it seems like NO ONE is hiring right now.  Actually, it seems like people are getting layed off left and right nowadays.  The economy is so messed up.  I just wonder how anyone is supposed to live with it being so hard to find work or afford gas or groceries because prices keep going up every day.  None of it makes sense to me. 

Besides losing my job, I've been having trouble with my love relationship.  I've been with B. for almost 7 years and yet here we are...separate and sad and cloaked in despair without each other.  I had let him move in with me on February 1st.  This is something he's been wanting for years and years.  But I never trusted him.  I always feared that he'd move in and then the second he got mad or didn't get his way, out he'd go.  I mostly feared this because I knew it would break my little girl's heart if they moved in and then left shortly after.  Well, guess what?  I was totally right.  He only lasted 7 days before he got mad at something soooo stupid and moved out.  There was a lot of stupid, hurtful drama after all that, of course.  That's just the way it goes 99.9% of the time.  Owell.  Things have calmed down a bit.  He came over today and we talked.  It was emotional and the tears came on easily because I've been hurting so much lately.  I haven't cried about anything until today.  It's like it was stored up inside me and then all of a sudden, it just burst out and I couldn't stop it.  My eyes still sting right now from the tears.  I hate crying.  I hate hurting even more.

I have felt so alone the past couple of weeks.  I've hardly had the energy to do anything.  I've had to force myself up every day.  Force myself to get dressed.  Force myself to get Claudia ready for school.  Force myself to try to make some money so I don't just drowned.  It's been so rough for me.  My sadness is overwhelming.  I can't help think that maybe God is punishing me for something.  Or maybe he's testing me, like Job.  Or maybe it's just a bunch of bad things coincidentally happening all at the same time, just bad luck, bad timing.  Who knows.  All I know is that I want to follow my heart and do what makes me happy.  I have no desire to work FOR someone else.  I want to work for MYSELF.  Like open a shop or something.  That would be such fun!  They say you can do anything you want in life.  All it takes is a little bravery to take the risk and a whole lot of faith to see it through.  But when you're hurting as much as I have been, it's hard to even get out of bed.  I need something to motivate me, but what?  I have no idea. 

I've been reading a lot the past few days, trying to keep my mind off of how crappy my life seems right now.  I should be thankful for everything I have...which I am, of course...but it's hard sometimes, especially when you fear you're about to lose it all.  Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to have to move out of my lovely house and sell it.  Oh, how that hurts.  My home being taken away just like that.  I hate the whole money concept.  It causes so many problems and hurts so many people.  I fear I'm going to lose my motorcycle, too.  The payment is small, but still.  Food and shelter are more important than a Ninja that I hardly ever ride.  I may ride it more once it warms up a little.  It gets 55 miles to the gallon!  I would save so much money on gas just by using my bike.  Claudia loves riding on it, too.  Only problem is you can't haul much at all on it.  Everything you take has to fit in a little bitty bag or in your pockets.  It'd be a good "go to work" vehicle.  Luckily, my Explorer is paid for.  That right there is a major blessing and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have it.

Well, I guess I won't be buying 5 purses at a time anymore on eBay like I used to.  I'm sure that's for the best anyway since I already have jillions of purses and really don't NEED any more (although I loooove getting new ones because I am a purseaholic and I love to collect them).  Every time I buy a new purse, I get a thrill in my heart and can't help but be so happy and excited about it.  Right now I just can't do that anymore.  And yes...it sucks.  But I'll survive.  One way or the other. 

 

I watch this video several times a day...just about every single day...because the love in it is so powerful to me.  I ache with incredible happiness and intense emotion each and every time I watch it.  This is one of the #1 reasons I love animals so much.  Animals are the most precious beings on the face of the planet, as far as I'm concerned.  They are innocent and full of love for those that care and love them back.  I am so grateful these two men took such good care of this lion because the reunion was priceless and I will never forget it.  I will treasure this video for the rest of my life.  It is truly amazing and heart-wrenchingly beautiful!  Please watch it and I'm sure you will be just as touched as I was.  Click on the link below to see the video.

 

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=10849410

UPDATE (12/05/08):  I have found more videos about Christian that I know you will all enjoy.  Here is another more detailed description of the reunion and afterwards.  I love this lion. :-)

 

 

 

 

 

My horoscope today says:

 

You should slow way down and let your feelings ebb and flow today -- there's no need to get excited when things might resolve themselves on their own. Your patience should be richly rewarded.

 

This is ironic considering I woke up with an uncomfortable twist in my gut because of my great desire to work from home already.  I know that I will soon be able to work every day from my house, but sometimes (actually MOST of the time) I feel that it's not soon enough.  My patience is running thin.  But as my horoscope says, I just need to relax and be patient and I will receive what I've been dreaming of in a rich way.  I'm praying and focusing my thoughts daily on selling this building...my office...which will be the key to me working from home.  Once the building sells, I will set up office at home, which is a miracle actually.  My boss was always against working from home, but then I had a talk with him...a very emotional talk (tears and all)... and expressed why I have such a huge desire to work from home (more time with my daughter, less gasoline consumption since it's 30 miles round trip to the office every day, less wasted time on slow days, etc.)  He finally saw the light and decided it was a good idea after all, so he put the building up for sale.  Once it sells, he'll work from his ranch and I'll work from my home.  The fact that he AGREED to this blew me away.  Talk about dreams coming true!!  I've never been more happy about anything in my entire life!  Of course, the being "patient" thing is hard as hell!  I want it to hurry up because I want to be working from home NOW, not later.  I will do my best to relax and let destiny take its course. 

If you pray, I ask  that you please ask the Lord to bless the sale of this building so that I can work from home and be close to my daughter.  I have missed too much of her life because of work and I miss her.  She misses me, too, and sometimes even cries because she wants to be with me instead of at day care.  This WILL happen once I'm working from home.

Thank you, friends, loved ones, and even strangers, for your prayers and meditations to support me.  Even if it's only a fleeting, simple request for blessings to come to me and Claudia, I appreciate all of it.  It means so much to me.

I love you all!!  OXOX

 

 

This Halloween, why not try an age-old technique to rid yourself of negative energies and bring abundant possibilities into your life? In this exercise, called 'bowl-burning', you can write down any aspect of your life from which you wish to be freed on a piece of paper. Place the paper into a bowl (one that can hold heat and flames please!) and carefully light it. Now ask your own higher power to 'unmask' any energies that are keeping you from reaching your fullest potential and allow them to transmute into supportive and positive ones. Bowl burning has been around as long as fire and has a track record to prove it. Costume your life with opportunity and let the tricky stuff go up in flames. What'll be left for you will be nothing but sweet, sweet treats!

(quoted by Ellen Whitehurst)

 

As I've mentioned a few times in various blogs, I am working on getting my house organized and de-cluttered, especially before Thanksgiving because I will have a house full of family and friends over.  I don't know if any of you have ever heard of FlyLady (www.flylady.com) but she is like a cleaning freak of nature and I think she's pretty amazing.  I've used a lot of her tips and tricks in my housecleaning adventures with lots of success.  I'm a member on the FlyLady Yahoo group as well and today there was posted a priceless article about getting our children involved in the de-cluttering process.  Today, she focuses on paper clutter.  I am soooo going to incorporate these suggestions into my routine.  I know Claudia will be happy to participate, too.  Besides, I need to teach her these things because they will come in SUPER handy in the future when she is older and in high school, college, and just regular working life.  I wanted to share this with my Vox friends and family because a lot of you have kiddos and will totally benefit from the article.  Sooooo...here it is:

Our kids love to bring home all of their school papers to share with
us and then they also love to share all of their creative drawings at
home. Before you know it these items are multiplying and we are
conflicted as to which things to save or let go of.

We get overwhelmed with the decision of what masterpieces to let go of
because we want to recognize our child's talent and encourage it. We
have several ideas that can help you with this struggle.

Just as with any other part of the FlyLady system we have to make this
a part of our Basic Weekly Plan. Do not allow your child's papers pile
up for a whole year and then try to do this. Establish a time each
week to go through the back packs and notebooks to clean them out.
Friday afternoons at the end of the school week or Sunday evenings
getting ready for the week ahead is a great time to do this. Take 15
minutes to clean out the backpacks and folders and then take the items
to save and one or more of the following:

1. Establish a Wall of Fame: This could be a bedroom door, a bulletin
board in the family room or anywhere in the house that can be seen by
the child. There is a reason that this particular idea works. It has a
limited amount of space - this offers you and your child to rotate
things on and off the wall to make room for the new displays. The
teachable moment is to allow the child to decide what to do with the
paper once it is time to come off the wall. Is it time to throw it
away, save it or pass it on? Allow your child to participate in the
actual removal of one paper and putting up the replacement. They have
to be involved in the physical and mental decision.

2. Pass It On: This is an opportunity to teach your child how to
address an envelope and mail a letter - the old fashioned way.
Complete with a trip to the mailbox or better yet the post office.
Choose a friend, god parent or relative to mail one or two of your
child's creations. This is another way to keep those loved ones in
your life included in your child's life and teaches your child to
bless someone else. Also if you have a relative or family friend in a
nursing home or assisted living facility that might enjoy a cheerful
drawing or picture in their room is another opportunity to bless
someone. You can spend some time together addressing and decorating
envelopes ahead of time and have them ready for when it is time to
share the art work.

3. The Special School Box: this is a reasonably sized plastic tub or
cardboard box (like a bankers box with a lid). Decorate the box with
your child using stickers, paint, markers, wrapping paper etc. The
point of decorating the box is to make the box a special place for
your child to place those papers that are the most special to him or
her. This allows your child the ownership of a decision.

4. The Scrap Book - now before you all start to get carried away with
the idea of the most perfect scrap book - this belongs to your child!!
Get a simple three ring binder (larger rings are easier to work with (
2 or 3 inch) and some 8 1/2 by 11 sized construction paper. Punch
holes in the school papers are that are full in size and use the
construction paper to mount smaller works. Allow your child to use
scissors that cut in zig zag or scallop shapes on the papers and mount
several on one piece of construction paper. Do not tell them what to
do or that what they are doing is not right. It is their book!!

5. Technology - In the digital age in which we live we are given a
huge opportunity to be able to use scanners and digital cameras to
capture those projects that may be too large to put on the wall, the
box or the scrap book. This allows your child to see that they don't
have to hold onto the actual project that is large if they have the
pictures that will remind them of that special creative moment.

Once you have established your wall, box or book this is something
that can be done in 15 minutes and be a part of building a basic
weekly routine for you and your child.

While you are working on your own paper clutter this month, include
your children and take the time to teach them not only by example but
by spending time with them and showing them while they are young so
they don't have to learn it the hard way the way we have!! There is no
better gift in the world to give to your child than your time!

Yes, I've got gobs of books and there are always at least 5 that I carry around with me at all times.  Here are my newest purchases that I can't wait to absorb during every free moment I have:

 

My Horizontal Life:  A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler

Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.

 

Autobiography of a Fate Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood 

 Notaro opens with enough dumped-by-loser-boyfriend stories that readers will share her skepticism when Good Guy finally appears. "He was an endangered species," Notaro writes. "[T]he only thing that could make him more valuable was if he were albino." Since Notaro can't keep Good Guy drunk and clueless forever, she switches to Plan B: frying cutlets, her major life skill. It works, and soon enough they're happily married. If this sounds mature and responsible, guess again. Other people might be able to buy a house, babysit their nephew, buy a new bra or seed their lawn without it being the least bit funny, but not Notaro. Consider the time she and her husband got a new puppy so untrainable it ate from the kitty litter box. Watching her husband get down on all fours and growl like a dog to show kitty who's in charge, Notaro comments, "Well, then, I'm not going to bother making dinner.... The cat just had a bowel movement big enough for the both of you." True, there's a lot of bathroom humor, but it's Notaro's odd take on the ordinary that's funniest. "H&R Block is really Practice Prison," a taste of what tax evaders can expect. Her sister using a breast pump looks like "a hybrid of Barbarella and a Holstein." And who else but Notaro can whisper to her (unwanted) cat as she crates him up for a trip to the vet: "if you see a bright, white light, run toward it"?

 

 The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

 In her latest collection of essays, Notaro (The Idiot Girl's Action-Adventure Club) turns out a double-handful of chuckle-worthy vignettes, looking at episodes of panic on an airplane, spying on guests at a mountain resort, learning to live with the ex-con down the street and, of course, handling the numerous disappointments and betrayals of the human body. Notaro blends sardonic, often self-deprecating comedy with disarming sincerity, delving into weight gain and body hair issues without hesitation, but staying closer to house, hearth, and everyday life with husband and dog. Most of the time, her quips rise to the occasion, but occasionally fall flat (as in "Death of a Catchphrase"). Although the majority of Notaro's musings are light-hearted, she reveals an affecting serious side in her essay on a pet's death. With plenty of humorous insight into the everyday debacles of an average gal from Arizona, these entertaining essays should make satisfying, bite-sized beach reading.

 

 We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

She thought she’d have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no–it’s happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking.

Her riffs on e-mail spam (“With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!”), eBay (“There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”), and the perils of St. Patrick’s Day (“When I’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens”) are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it’s all true.

Certain Girls: A Novel

Weiner turns in a hilarious sequel to her 2001 bestselling first novel, Good in Bed, revisiting the memorable and feisty Candace Cannie Shapiro. Flashing forward 13 years, the novel follows Cannie as she navigates the adolescent rebellion of her about-to-be bat mitzvahed daughter, Joy, and juggles her writing career; her relationship with her physician husband, Peter Krushelevansky; her ongoing weight struggles; and the occasional impasse with Joy's biological father, Bruce Guberman. Joy, whose premature birth resulted in her wearing hearing aids, has her own amusing take on her mother's overinvolvement in her life as the novel, with some contrivance, alternates perspectives. As her bat mitzvah approaches, Joy tries to make contact with her long absent maternal grandfather and seeks more time with Bruce. In addition, unbeknownst to Joy, Peter has expressed a desire to have a baby with Cannie, which means looking for a surrogate mother. Throughout, Weiner offers her signature snappy observations: (good looks function as a get-out-of-everything-free card) and spot-on insights into human nature, with a few twists thrown in for good measure. She expends some energy getting readers up to speed on Good, but readers already involved with Cannie will enjoy this, despite Joy's equally strong voice.

 

 

Getting Rid of Matthew by Jane Fallon

Brit TV producer Fallon takes careful what you wish for to hilarious heights in her debut novel, a comedy of errors triggered by a mistress who discovers thrice-weekly hookups with her married lover are better than a 24/7 relationship with him. Helen, office staffer at a public relations firm catering to desperate D-list celebrities, is fast approaching her 40th birthday with little chance of swimming out of the secretary pool or snagging a full-time commitment from Matthew, her middle-aged lover and relay relationshipper. When Matthew abruptly leaves wife Sophie and preteen daughters Suzanne and Claudia to move in with Helen, she's not sure it's the happy ending she prefers. Thus begins a head-spinning ruse to convince Matthew to go back home and to persuade Sophie and her scene-stealing pair of potty-mouthed children to take him back: Helen invents a new persona, hard-charging PR whiz Eleanor, who befriends Sophie and gives her advice to repair her shattered marriage. The scheme gets more elaborate when Helen/Eleanor falls for Matthew's estranged eldest son. This delightfully fizzy chick lit caper goes disappointingly flat before the finish, but the surprising and rewarding treat is a bright, grown-up story of two women who discover friendship and trust in one another.

Okay...I couldn't help myself.  I saw these two bags online and HAD to have them.  Although the bowler bag isn't leather, it's the greatest pink color ever and my eyeballs just gravitated to it.  I also love it because there is so much room to carry stuff.  The only slightly negative aspect of it is that the straps are kinda short and hard to put over your shoulder.  So I have to carry it in the bend of my elbow or by hand.  But those are minor and weren't bad enough to keep me from buying it.  The Liz Claiborne bag is fabulous brown leather (my fave as you know).  So soft yet so sturdy.  Lots of fun pockets in this one.